i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
