The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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