Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
