apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
