Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
