I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
