i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
