It's Friday. Sex?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
