with your own penis?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
