shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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