Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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