maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
