A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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