Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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