I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
