did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
