I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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