I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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