This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
