I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
