Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize