I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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