the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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