I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize