He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
