ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
