Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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