Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
