put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Small penises have feelings too.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
