Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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