I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
