you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
