She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
