im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
