Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you never un-have a 4some
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
