fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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