She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I need a beard to bite.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
