Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
