Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We are all done wearing pants today
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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