But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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