I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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