I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
