It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
