I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
