I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
