He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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