actually, I'm a sock model
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
