So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
