We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My cat gives me a boner
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
