and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
