My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
