Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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