she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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