my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
