Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
