Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
