I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
