Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
