What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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