i love accidental penises.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize