I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
