and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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