I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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