she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
