omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
