all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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