sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
did i walk over a car last night?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
