Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
