it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
