I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
