Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
