I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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