..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Your cock deserves a montage
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
