I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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