Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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