I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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