I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
