If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
