I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
