wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
