Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
