My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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