My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
