I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
